These just in

 Our job as professional copy editors is to identify and correct your lapses, sparing you public embarrassment. That does not, however, mean that we do not snicker among ourselves. Extracts from desk message traffic: 

"She is not afraid to bawl our teen-agers using fowl language..." sigh. i won't even bother to tell you about "Mount Zion Untied Methodist Church." 

a nominee: 

Line 1 Meatloaf dinner 

Line 2 includes your 

Line 3 choice of potato 

Maimed Professor: "One Decent Typing Hand and an Intact Head All I Need" FANTASTIC! A copy editor you can keep in a filing cabinet!

Photo caption: "Soundless, the mobiles flits in respect to the cows." 

"In its song are the sounds of whirring dragonfly wings and grasses rustling in the hot spring wind: 'Tchi-tchi,tchi, jyuuuu jyuuuuu jyuuuuu jyuuuuuu.'"

N.Y. Times News Service: ORLANDO, Fla. -- Despite a desperate effort that included feeding tubes and an all-night vigil, a rare baby sperm has died two days after it was found stranded on a sandbar. 

b6.1.2 Rabbi passes gas for use in kosher Pepsi Cola 

well, I've been told to sked this story, but based on the lede do you think I'd be justified in simply feigning illness and going home? "WARSAW, Poland -- The Emilia Furniture Emporium epitomizes recent Polish trading history." 

"The house and mill were built around 1746, and the house was of a Maryland-German Hangover-Medieval style." 

"As world markets become increasingly global ..."

"Over the windows are Colonial keystone lentils ..."

"Driving from the north on Route 1, the new 50s-style diner sits atop a hill." the moveable feast 

"Surgeons fashioned each baby a cosmetic naval." Shape up or ship out, kid. 

CALIFORNIA FIRE CONSUME 200 HOMES, INURES 17" People are awfully jaded these days.

"The FAA, Mr. Horne said, takes care of drunken amphibian airplane pilots." FROGS IN THE DRUNK TANK!

"a married, 45-year-old man in western, southern and northeastern Maryland." How fat was he, Johnny?

"Although temporarily covered with plywood, Mr. Dalrymple plans to install two cellar-style doors in the open space." Free at last, free at last.