After today’s earlier heaviosity, I offer a little contest for the weekend.
What is the funniest four-word message you can devise? A classic example is Robert Benchley’s cable to The New Yorker from Venice: “Streets flooded. Please advise.” (You can have a little leeway to establish a context.)
"Sticks float. They wood."
ReplyDeleteIt's not an original, or even very funny, but it's the first thing that came to mind.
From a 1/30/09 Paul West blog item comment -
ReplyDeleteBreaking News! Water wet!
To adapt two tropes at least as old as Mark Twain: "GROOM MISSING NO STORY", and "ARRIVED HELL SEND BLANKETS".
ReplyDeleteThis exchange of telegrams involves six words, but I think it's got the right spirit: "SEND FOOD" / "TIGHTEN BELT" / "SEND BELT".
And, not funny but nevertheless famous in the biology world: "MONOTREMES VIVIPAROUS OVUM MEROBLASTIC" announcing the discovery that duck-billed platypuses really are egg-laying mammals.
Logos, Ethos, Pathos, D'Artagnan
ReplyDeleteNot broke -- unfix it.
ReplyDeleteMcIntyre fixed his carburetor
ReplyDeleteWinky tinky ha-ha hut (Brazenly counting "ha-ha" as one word.)
ReplyDeleteDebts ignored, newspapers profitable.
ReplyDeleteYour banker loves you.
I do; not now.
Not an entry, but my favorite headline of all time:
ReplyDeleteFoot heads arms body
The jazz pianist Dave Frishberg's matchless song "Blizzard of Lies" lends itself to many variations on this theme: Let's have lunch soon. Luggage is checked through. We've got inflation licked. Get back to you. (You want more, go track down the song online.)
ReplyDeleteOne more four-worder that isn't funny, but seems appropriate in the light of many recent posts: Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin. (Those without the benefit of a strict Judeo-Christian education can consult the Book of Daniel in the Old Testament.)
To quote the ballplayer Joaquin Andujar: "In one word, youneverknow."
ReplyDeleteFish hits wall. Damn.
ReplyDeleteBroken vacuum: doesn't suck.
On the final exam for a particularly troublesome college senior: "Grade: F. Enjoy McDonald's."
ReplyDeleteCause of death: Banjo
ReplyDeleteDavid Belz
ReplyDeleteReminds me of the bet Hemingway took that he couldn't write a short story in six words. He won. His story? "For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn."
Steve Sullivan
George Bush is smart.
Paul Algire
codependency counseling, couples only
Gene Fynes
Aliens landing … why Cleveland??
Paul Algire
nymphomaniacs are f***ing everywhere
Rob Smith
Weekends are for beer.
Robert Ofcrosskeys
Strayer University degree programs
I believe the Benchley telegram is actually "Streets full of water, please advise." I hope so, because it's about fourteen times funnier that way.
ReplyDelete